Life with a PTSD family member

The ‘New Normal’ is a phrase I loathe! When they come back from deployment they will be different, you will be different, the kids will be different… this is your ‘New Normal’. WTF? He came back and we weren't so different than when he left. Sure we were older but it was the same old routine going on. Yes I know we were different but it was subtle. What was not subtle, HE was different! Withdrawn, edgy, emotionally unavailable, unable/unwilling to participate with the family, not sleeping more than 3 hours… he even ate dinner in another room away from us. A trip to the store required lots of planning on my part (knowing exit locations, plotting non-busy hours, etc) and a shit load of coaxing and encouraging him it would be ok to go outside. Once there I felt like I was the recon guy, peering down aisles to see if there was anyone there – 2 or more people on the aisle and he’d FREAK OUT! Night terrors and sleepwalking meant I didn't sleep at all! Driving was a whole other nightmare for me with his constant shouting out to ‘watch that car’, ‘exit now’, ‘speed up faster, faster, FASTER!’ I still have trouble being the passenger when he drives – imagine the Le Mans car races, high speeds and abrupt lane changes all while 8 feet behind the car in front of us.

A year of medication and some crappy therapy did not help much. They verbally gave him ways to cope (once every 2 weeks) but did not take him into the world to actually teach him how to apply these techniques to everyday situations. Of course the family was NOT part of his treatment either, we were left to walk on eggshells and wonder what in the world we were supposed to be doing. The one time I did get to go with him the therapist questioned WHY I needed to know what was going on.

I have since learned how to effectively talk him down from anxiety attacks and to handle his night terrors by ‘pulling rank’ on him. He has learned how to shop in crowded stores without losing his mind and how to talk to Hootie like the 10 y/o boy he is. How to keep in control of his anger when the SOB in front of him truly needs an ass beating (at work and on the road).

So now almost 3 years after his return the biggest thing that triggers his PTSD is fireworks. This one will never go away. While everyone is getting ready for tonight's sparkles and BOOMS we are checking the list of items to keep him from hearing anything.

Ear plugs – CHECK

Headphones – CHECK

Techno Trance music – CHECK

Xbox moved to the most insulated room in the house – CHECK

He will play video games till the wee hours of the morning. I will be awake half the night listening for the BOOMS from the neighborhood jerks.

And just in case he does lose it I have his Battle Buddy's # and his Valium.

This is what I mean when I say ‘Freedom Isn't Free’?

LandLord & LandLady

Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a renter like the visit from the LandFolks!
I will admit that when Mr. LandLord said he wanted to stop by and check on the house I went through quite a few emotions. FIRST I was pissy about it... I mean we aren't young-uns in our first place, trashing the house and wrecking the place, we are grown responsible ADULTS! Then I thought back to when I was a home owner and how I might feel if someone were renting my biggest purchase EVER ~ I'd probably do bi-weekly drive-by's ~ at that point I lost the pissy feeling. 

Next came FEAR... is it clean enough inside, too cluttered, smell funny? Is the yard being kept to THEIR standards? ~ The HOA has rules but the LandFolks may have higher standards ~ had to remind myself that we LIVE here & the LF have kids and pets so they can understand why it is the way it is.

More FEAR... Do they want us to move out so they can move back in? ~ I have no strength to do a move in the next 18 months let alone in the next 6 months. With GI Joe's medical stuff and upcoming retirement, trying to get Hootie stabilized in school, and then dealing with my mothers issues. Everything we have in our plans and goals is factored on the rent and utilities of this house, yeah not a chance I can handle another move!

So as the visit date got nearer my anxiety level went up a bit. ~ Internally it went up a LOT but I hid it well, I think. ~ I did the normal house chores and continued going through the left over boxes of 'stuff' from our move into this home. I just went on about my normal every day routines.

Visit Day... LL arrives, looks around the frontyard, makes a few GOOD comments. ~ YAY! ~ Enter the house and he says "You found a way to utilize this HUGE room, we never could figure out to use it, it looks really good." ~ BOOM! YES! ~ He looks out the back door and sees the little tree... GROWING... he heads out back and I am floored by his next comment. "This looks as good as when we lived here, if not BETTER." ~ OMG all my fears and worries were for NOTHING! ~ We go through the rest of the house, address some small concerns and he tells us to fix what is needed and deduct cost from rent. If it's a big fix just call them and they'll arrange for a pro to come out and do the job (plumbing, a/c, roof) otherwise would we be interested in renting it for a few more years? 

... wait a minute, what did he just say? Rent the house for a few more... did he say YEARS? 
You mean you don't want us out so you can move back in? 
Yes he did say YEARS! 
HUGE, GINORMOUS sigh of relief. 

Now I can relax and just LIVE in this house and put my focus on the family matters.

Next week LandLady will be in town... think we'll invite her over for a visit. :)